Some guy who was walking near me died and fell down, so I grabbed his wallet thinking he might have a winning scratch ticket or Town House crackers in there. I looked at his name, "Dan Contrino" and thought it was better than mine, so I stole his identity.

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Oh, it's all right. I'm sure that we can handle this situation maturely, just like the responsible adults that we are. Isn't that right, Mr... Poopy Pants?